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A divorce mediator is a neutral third party who helps spouses through their divorce using the divorce mediation process.  Divorce mediation is an alternative to standing before a judge in court.  It is a problem solving approach to separation and divorce involving a divorce mediator specially trained to help them reach a separation agreement.

The goal is for the spouses to work as a team towards finding the right settlements for themselves and their children.  With support from the divorce mediator, the participants identify issues that need to be resolved and options for resolving them.  There are many issues that arise on separation, including: how the parties determine the value of their assets and debts, and how to divide those (division of property); where the children will live and on what schedule (custody and access); how parents will support the children (child support); and how parents will support themselves and each other (spousal support).  Sometimes there are also businesses and pensions that need to be taken into consideration. The mediator helps the spouses generate solutions for each of the issues that arise from the divorce.  The solutions are evaluated together and agreement is reached in a civilized manner.  Both parties and the mediator sign a Mediation Agreement that outlines the way all the issues will be worked out, and they agree to fully participate in the mediation process.

Divorce mediation offers more control and flexibility to spouses than going to court does.  The spouses have the flexibility in taking time to consider how all the decisions will affect their family in the long term.  They shape the final decision, rather than having an outside party (i.e. judge) make the settlements.  The divorce mediation process tends to also be quicker and cheaper than going to court.

Divorce mediation is confidential, which is important given the private emotional and financial issues involved in a divorce. Mediation is emotionally healthier and leads to better relationships in families after the separation.  The focus is on communicating better, which is particularly crucial if children are involved.

It is important that parties have a basic understanding of their rights and responsibilities before coming to the mediation table.  Both parties should consult a lawyer for independent legal advice at some point during the mediation process. Since the divorce mediator does not work for either spouse, they cannot give legal advice.  The mediator’s role is to be neutral and help the parties find solutions they can both agree to.

Mediation is generally a more positive and predictable process than adversarial strategies.  Unlike judges and arbitrators, mediators do not impose settlements or make decisions on cases.  Mediators merely support the spouses and facilitate the process.

Mediators are trained professionals who have strong backgrounds in psychology, social services and law.  They help diffuse emotional tension between two spouses and direct the focus to reaching an agreement.  After an agreement is reached, usually the mediator prepares a Memorandum of Understanding, which parties then take to their respective lawyers, who can make last minute revisions, if necessary.

If parties cannot reach agreement with the help of a mediator, they can still go to court and will need a judge or an arbitrator to settle the divorce.  For mediation to be successful, both disputants must be reasonable people who are motivated to negotiate a final settlement.  Divorce mediation is not for every couple, and it is not for every situation. However, it has no drawbacks, and can help people save money, time and energy – not to mention the wear and tear on the family unit.